those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
