I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
