we're making bets on your personal life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
