My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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