There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize