508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
