Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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