Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
