She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My vagina is very pro this idea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
