she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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