mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
