i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
