allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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