My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize