dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's like iHOP with fire
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
