I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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