Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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