pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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