this boner is exhausting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize