Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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