ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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