never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
