I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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