no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
