The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize