"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
