I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
