All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
4 words: hood of his car
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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