Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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