And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
