I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
