im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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