Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
