I'm really into asian looking animals
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
