I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize