And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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