drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
