I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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