I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
