Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize