I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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