i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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