I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am one with the molecules
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize