Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
