so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
