it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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