According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
