Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
