Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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