she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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