we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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