I just cut my nipple shaving
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
