im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
PANTIES FOUND
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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