Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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