im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
FUCK WHALES
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize