Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
MIDGETS
????
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
