its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
