I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
