i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
