I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
