I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
