the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someone shattered a urinal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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