On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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