The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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