I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
