apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
