I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
