she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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