come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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