She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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