Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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