3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
