looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
