im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
