i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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