i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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