I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
