she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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