just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize