Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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