I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
