she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
