Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize