May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
