It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
