she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
