I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize