omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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