I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
love makes seman taste better
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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