A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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