im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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