So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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