Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
