There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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