i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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