So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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