apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sarcasm needs its own font
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
