just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
