you would pick up someone in the library
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
