So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
