Will you blow on my dice?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
