mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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