So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize