He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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