I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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