dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
