Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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