A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
