My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
