I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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