smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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