Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
