Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize