dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
