i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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